You Can't "Fall Out" of Friendship

Friends are a way of life. They’re just there, and we need them to be. But what actually makes a good friend? What makes someone the ‘best’ friend out of your group of friends? Is it the way you feel about them? Is it the way they feel about you? Is it how well they know you? Or vice versa?

A good friend has to be someone who is willing to listen to your problems and give good advice. A good friend is someone who will be there when you need them most. A good friend is the person you’ll trust to see you when you’re most vulnerable. A good friend is someone who will do you a favor, without expecting anything in return, right?

Well, if that’s true, then you yourself have to be all those things, right? Because you can’t just expect all of those characteristics from someone without being able to be a good friend to them as well. That can’t be healthy for a friendship.

So a person can be a good friend, a great pal, without being in a good friendship. But you can’t come to that realization without making yourself out to be the bad guy. So you either shape up and be a good friend right back, or you live in blissful ignorance and just…take. Essentially, you become a user. You maintain the friendship because you need that person to be there, but you keep yourself at a distance, not fully committing to the relationship. And let’s face it, a friendship is just as important of a relationship as is one with your significant other.

So what can you do if you’re already a good friend? Now that you realize that a friendship you have seems to drain you without becoming a source of replenishment, how can you fix it? Should you try? Would it be selfish to want the feelings of comfort that you’ve been giving out to others? Not at all. But fixing that problem is still a mystery.

Humans are very sensitive creatures. We all need to hear that we’re right sometimes, and we all need to know that someone else cares. Regardless of the level of one’s self-confidence, it only makes it better to hear your strengths from someone who cares about you. That’s why we need friends. We need people to care about. And we can’t just dish out all these feelings without getting anything in return. We need people to care about us. We need to feel like we’re good people. Is that what a friend really is? Someone who makes you feel good about yourself? No, that can’t be it. Let’s try again.

We need people around us to make us feel sane. We need friends to prove to the gods that we are doing something right. We need friends to give advice to, because, in a sense, giving advice to someone else is always easier than helping ourselves. When someone needs us, we find our strengths. It seems that friendships make us better than what we were. Friendships help us discover what we are and who we can be.

So a friend is someone who makes you look at yourself and see the problems, because no one is perfect. But a good friend is one who will stick by you in spite of those flaws and they’ll strive to help you become a better person. And they’ll continue to be there, helping and guiding, hoping you will do the same for them.

What I’m trying to say is: Listen to others, but never hesitate to ask for an audience. Be yourself, but understand that others sometimes need you to be more or less. Show loyalties, but don’t always take a side just because. Talk about your problems, but don’t make problems just to have something to talk about. Be there for those you care about if you’re able, but don’t expect everyone to be as able as you are. And try to be there for those you barely know, because you never know if they’ll become someone you care about. That’s what a friendship should be about.

Whew. Well, I'm calling it a night. Sweet dreams or g'day, wherever you are.

Current track: Meaghan Smith - "If You Asked Me"