"Are you open today?"

That, by far, is my favorite question to get at work. I love it when people call into the bank and ask that. I keep a notepad by the phone and now it's covered with the answers I want to say instead of the "Oh, sure we're open. Our hours today are..." in my fake happy voice. Some of those other answers include:

• Naw, we're not open today. We're having a Scrabble tournament. (one of the more milder ones)

• Nope. Not open. Just needed a place to store the body. Do you think our safe deposit vault is big enough?

• No, we aren't open. We're building a snow fort outside the front doors. Good luck getting in tomorrow!

Yeah, my manager gets a kick outta the list, but I know the corporate auditors won't get it. But the bank is all about appearances. I don't think I've had a rant about work yet. So here goes...

I start out the day punching in the multiple codes for various areas of the bank. (Yeah, I'm a big deal. They give me codes). Then I turn on the CD player or plug in my IPod (surprised?). I need, need, NEED music to start the day. Usually it's something fast and dancy, but lately I've had Foo Fighters' The Color and the Shape on. Good stuff. Once the music deal is settled, I go through my opening motions. Boring stuff, don't worry about it.

We officially open at 9:00. However, everyday there is one person who gets there at 8:40 and glares at us through the glass because we won't open early. Lovely. We make them wait 'til 8:50 before we open. Policy is policy, and we don't want to do more work than is necessary. Then that person comes huffing and puffing into the bank and they'll angrily hand me they're deposit ticket. All the while, not saying a word to my falsely bright greeting because it's somehow my fault that they can't read the sign with our business hours. Everybody thinks they deserve special treatment.

After that first customer, things pretty much get better. Our ATM guy, whom I think is fairly attractive, gets my first sincere happy greeting. We talk, we joke, and we banter. Funfunfun. Then comes the great part. People stream in around 9:30, in a rush to get to work, and I now have a line of customers. At that time, I would trade my first born child for some coffee and maybe a chocolate croissant. Then a miracle occurs (I think of this as a miracle every time it happens). My co-worker can read minds. I get this post-it thrown at me -

I love my co-workers.

Ahh, coffee. The elixir of life. How I love thee. With a good cup of coffee, anything is possible. I think it makes me an actual people person. I can then go on to sincerely care about what people want to tell me about their day so far. I’m like a bartender, but I don’t get tips. I hear about people and their depression medication, divorces, affairs, the usual “do you think it’s going to snow today?”(we live in Wisconsin; it’s winter for about 6 months), and everything in between.

If you’re wondering, I’m not a morning person.

Cheers

-Tam

Current track: “Here We Are” – Green River Ordinance, new fave