Friends are a way of life. They’re just there, and we need them to be. But what actually makes a good friend? What makes someone the ‘best’ friend out of your group of friends? Is it the way you feel about them? Is it the way they feel about you? Is it how well they know you? Or vice versa?
A good friend has to be someone who is willing to listen to your problems and give good advice. A good friend is someone who will be there when you need them most. A good friend is the person you’ll trust to see you when you’re most vulnerable. A good friend is someone who will do you a favor, without expecting anything in return, right?
Well, if that’s true, then you yourself have to be all those things, right? Because you can’t just expect all of those characteristics from someone without being able to be a good friend to them as well. That can’t be healthy for a friendship.
So a person can be a good friend, a great pal, without being in a good friendship. But you can’t come to that realization without making yourself out to be the bad guy. So you either shape up and be a good friend right back, or you live in blissful ignorance and just…take. Essentially, you become a user. You maintain the friendship because you need that person to be there, but you keep yourself at a distance, not fully committing to the relationship. And let’s face it, a friendship is just as important of a relationship as is one with your significant other.
So what can you do if you’re already a good friend? Now that you realize that a friendship you have seems to drain you without becoming a source of replenishment, how can you fix it? Should you try? Would it be selfish to want the feelings of comfort that you’ve been giving out to others? Not at all. But fixing that problem is still a mystery.
Humans are very sensitive creatures. We all need to hear that we’re right sometimes, and we all need to know that someone else cares. Regardless of the level of one’s self-confidence, it only makes it better to hear your strengths from someone who cares about you. That’s why we need friends. We need people to care about. And we can’t just dish out all these feelings without getting anything in return. We need people to care about us. We need to feel like we’re good people. Is that what a friend really is? Someone who makes you feel good about yourself? No, that can’t be it. Let’s try again.
We need people around us to make us feel sane. We need friends to prove to the gods that we are doing something right. We need friends to give advice to, because, in a sense, giving advice to someone else is always easier than helping ourselves. When someone needs us, we find our strengths. It seems that friendships make us better than what we were. Friendships help us discover what we are and who we can be.
So a friend is someone who makes you look at yourself and see the problems, because no one is perfect. But a good friend is one who will stick by you in spite of those flaws and they’ll strive to help you become a better person. And they’ll continue to be there, helping and guiding, hoping you will do the same for them.
What I’m trying to say is: Listen to others, but never hesitate to ask for an audience. Be yourself, but understand that others sometimes need you to be more or less. Show loyalties, but don’t always take a side just because. Talk about your problems, but don’t make problems just to have something to talk about. Be there for those you care about if you’re able, but don’t expect everyone to be as able as you are. And try to be there for those you barely know, because you never know if they’ll become someone you care about. That’s what a friendship should be about.
Whew. Well, I'm calling it a night. Sweet dreams or g'day, wherever you are.
Current track: Meaghan Smith - "If You Asked Me"
You Can't "Fall Out" of Friendship
"Are you open today?"
That, by far, is my favorite question to get at work. I love it when people call into the bank and ask that. I keep a notepad by the phone and now it's covered with the answers I want to say instead of the "Oh, sure we're open. Our hours today are..." in my fake happy voice. Some of those other answers include:
- Naw, we're not open today. We're having a Scrabble tournament. (one of the more milder ones)
- Nope. Not open. Just needed a place to store the body. Do you think our safe deposit vault is big enough?
- No, we aren't open. We're building a snow fort outside the front doors. Good luck getting in tomorrow!
Yeah, my manager gets a kick outta the list, but I know the corporate auditors won't get it. But the bank is all about appearances. I don't think I've had a rant about work yet. So here goes...
I start out the day punching in the multiple codes for various areas of the bank. (Yeah, I'm a big deal. They give me codes). Then I turn on the CD player or plug in my IPod (surprised?). I need, need, NEED music to start the day. Usually it's something fast and dancy, but lately I've had Foo Fighters' The Color and the Shape on. Good stuff. Once the music deal is settled, I go through my opening motions. Boring stuff, don't worry about it.
We officially open at 9:00. However, everyday there is one person who gets there at 8:40 and glares at us through the glass because we won't open early. Lovely. We make them wait 'til 8:50 before we open. Policy is policy, and we don't want to do more work than is necessary. Then that person comes huffing and puffing into the bank and they'll angrily hand me they're deposit ticket. All the while, not saying a word to my falsely bright greeting because it's somehow my fault that they can't read the sign with our business hours. Everybody thinks they deserve special treatment.
After that first customer, things pretty much get better. Our ATM guy, whom I think is fairly attractive, gets my first sincere happy greeting. We talk, we joke, and we banter. Funfunfun. Then comes the great part. People stream in around 9:30, in a rush to get to work, and I now have a line of customers. At that time, I would trade my first born child for some coffee and maybe a chocolate croissant. Then a miracle occurs (I think of this as a miracle every time it happens). My co-worker can read minds. I get this post-it thrown at me -
I love my co-workers.
Ahh, coffee. The elixir of life. How I love thee. With a good cup of coffee, anything is possible. I think it makes me an actual people person. I can then go on to sincerely care about what people want to tell me about their day so far. I’m like a bartender, but I don’t get tips. I hear about people and their depression medication, divorces, affairs, the usual “do you think it’s going to snow today?”(we live in Wisconsin; it’s winter for about 6 months), and everything in between.
If you’re wondering, I’m not a morning person.
Cheers
-Tam
Current track: “Here We Are” – Green River Ordinance, new fave
